ZENtheRapper | 06/19/25

Every day at DREAAM, we do a series of chants to start our day and instill a certain culture into our program participants. For the last few days, I’ve been asked to be The Chant Leader in the morning.

Now like most educational spaces I’ve experienced, DREAAM tends to feature a whole lot of excellent female voices at the lead. Men are not absent by any means, but still generally the minority in leadership positions in this space, similar to how most schools are. As excellent as our leading ladies are, though, sometimes our boys need to see and learn from men, strong men. And I’m glad to try to be that for them.

Near the end of our chants today, I asked for a volunteer to lead us in our DREAAM expectations portion, where one DREAAMer belts out each expectation, and the rest of us belt it back… repetition is the mother of learning.

A young man volunteered who I hadn’t had the chance to develop a personal relationship with just yet; he hadn’t been a DREAAMer in my tribe.

He got up and started feebly saying the expectations for us to repeat back. I stopped him and told him that as a leader, he needs to do his best to lead us with his voice, to be loud and confident so as to compel the rest of us to be the same. 

He tried again, and this time it was an even lower volume, and his hands were touching his knees, him bent down in a nervous kind of a posture.

I stopped him again, wanting to correct and redirect the behavior, but now feeling unsure and not wanting to embarrass the kid. I modeled for him what we were expecting, and I had a few DREAAMers in the crowd kind of yell along with me. 

A third time, he still wasn’t giving the volume, the posture, the leadership we were looking for. I allowed another DREAAMer (one who had belted with me during the modeling) to lead our expectations for the day, trying to subtly relieve this young man of any further pressure or possible embarrassment for the day.

I wasn’t sure this was the right move. My intention was to challenge this young man, and to set a standard and an expectation that I wouldn’t easily waver on.

As chants went on and concluded, the young man was visibly down, and started to cry. He removed himself from the circle and sat by himself in another part of the gym, continuing to cry.

He was consoled by a couple of our staff, including others who had a more established relationship with him.

Maybe I pushed him too hard. I went over to talk to him, to offer some encouragement, to try to right the apparent wrong I had committed.

I explained to him that when I was his age, I had a very small, shy, and nervous voice. I used to hate talking in front of people, and I mostly avoided it at all costs. I told him I was proud of him for volunteering, because when I was his age, I would have had to be forced to try.

I went on to tell him that my purpose as his leader is to challenge him, to give him opportunities to try to improve at things he may struggle at that I know he will need in school and in life.

I told him that I didn’t mean to embarrass him, and that maybe I pushed the issue too far, and for that I was sorry.

But I continued in telling him that the best way to get better at something, is to practice doing it, and that I was going to give him another opportunity to lead some chants in the future, because I know that he will improve with practice.

I reassured him that no one thinks any less of him for his performance, and that we are all family interested in seeing each other learn and grow.

I was hopeful for the talk to be effective, but I wasn’t quite sure. He continued to look down, though maybe he was reflecting now.

A few minutes later, DREAAMers had to pick the leader they wanted to start the day with, as we were doing activities in stations for the day.

He was allowed to be one of the first to choose, and had all leaders’ rooms as fully available, his pick of the leader he would first work with today.

Based on this story’s arch as written so far, you may have guessed it, but to my surprise in the moment, he chose my room. And he was really keen on connecting with me for the rest of the day. I didn’t have to redirect him at all; he even volunteered to clean up much than just his portion during cleanup time. He wanted to show me something. And he did. Something about himself, and something in confirmation about myself.

I’m glad to be able to challenge young men in the ways they need in order to grow. Even in my uncertainty and even with me surely making mistakes and misjudgements along the way. I know I’m right where He waaaanted me.